MuckFlash

Lincoln, NE -28 Feb. 2009- Staff. A young man was found dead of asphyxiation this week after wearing a rental tuxedo several sizes too small. The man, who was not identified pending the notification of his next of kin, was found in the back row of a church near to a public hall where he apparently was attending a wedding reception.

Authorities would not comment on details of the matter, but they expressed sorrow for the man and his family. Said Officer P.J. Dawson, who arrived first on the scene, “It’s tragic when a formal occasion does damage like this. When you could just loosen a button or two, it’s that much more senseless and sad.”

Attendees of the wedding party also expressed grief. Maria Baritomo, the grooms’ mother was confused as well as overwrought. “Why would somebody do that? Why would somebody where clothes that are too tight and then keep them on if they were struggling to even breathe? It’s just plain awful.”

After thorough research through state and county records, however, it seems that this particular kind of “wardrobe malfunction” is the first of its kind, if at least only in the U.S., and possibly the world. A dubious honor, and one which authorities hope to never see again. Said Officer Dawson, “It’s just a waste. A pure waste.”