MuckFlash

Pyongyang, DPRK -6 April 2009- Staff. Recent intelligence surrounding North Korea’s failed attempt to put the latest iteration of their Taepodong-2 missile into orbit suggest that ‘Dear Leader’ Kim Jong-Il had a more personal relationship with the device. Sources at the U.S. State Department, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the government learned recently that Kim, referred to by law in North Korea as ‘Dear Leader,’ was so sure of a successful launch that he included an original copy of one of his baby pictures.

“It’s akin to George Bush sending one of Ronald Reagan’s teeth on a space shuttle launch,” said the source. “In the DPRK, a signed, dated baby picture of Kim is better than gold. You could buy a house with the thing and still have change left over.”

The same expert asserted that the inclusion of the photograph indicated the project’s national and personal significance for Kim Jong-Il. That the missile failed to reach orbit and took the picture down in flames with it suggests that the science team responsible for the launch could face severe retribution from Kim. “I would not want to be them,” the source said. “Korean scientists have been killed for far less, and the indication from our contacts at the embassy is that Kim is ‘distressed’ about the test.”

Such behavior is typical of the secretive Korean leader, who has also been known to name military installations after pets and insist that household servants shave only half of their heads.