MuckFlash

San Jose, CA -26 October 2009- Emergency services personnel arrived at the home of Kyle Connasis expecting an accidental poisoning, but they were baffled and shocked to find that Connasis, 26, was suffering from a severely distended stomach with several irregularly shaped lumps. Upon closer examination, the paramedics realized that each of the lumps was a complete video game controller, and that Connasis’ roommates were using the wireless devices’ connection to a still-running game to make the controllers vibrate and send Connasis into spasms.

Connasis is expected to make a full recovery.

As Connasis was rushed to the hospital to have the controllers surgically removed, police arrived on the scene to investigate the oddity. After questioning Connasis’ roommates, police learned that he had swallowed the objects on a bet and that he had used vegetable shortening as lubricant to swallow each in one piece.

Although he had successfully swallowed all three several hours earlier, Connasis began to suspect something was wrong when the devices began to buzz erratically inside of him, causing sharp, lingering pains in his torso. When he called 911, however, he told the operator only that he had “swallowed something.” The dispatcher assumed Connasis has accidentally poisoned himself, a much more common occurrence, and notified paramedics appropriately.

The devices were removed several hours later via a brief surgical procedure, and Connasis is expected to make a full recovery. As Connasis only recently moved to the country from Slovakia, however, police are treating the incident as a potential hate crime. Multiple people were arrested at the scene, but police refused to comment, as the investigation is ongoing.

Police emphasized that they would prosecute to the full extent of the law anyone they found to have willingly goaded Connasis into swallowing the objects as part of a citizenship hazing ritual or engaged in any other discriminatory behavior.