MuckFlash

Los Angeles, CA -19 May 2009- Bowing to popular demand, a consortium of L.A.-based fitness centers have pooled their resources to build a 10,000 square-foot shared facility that will allow patrons to do just one single exercise: napping. Based on a concept popular in Japan, the proposed building will house a series of intricately designed pods that allow occupants to shut out virtually all external stimuli as they seek to re-center and re-balance their mental state.

The Mary Wollstonecraft Center for Rest will be built according the exacting specifications of the architectural theories of Ai Iijima, a recently deceased Japanese cultural figure who advocated alternating phases of intense activity and exaggerated rest as the twin pillars of good health. Her seminal work in the field, Blossoms of Rest, Petals of Life (飯島愛のセックスの力量の向上昼寝理論) outlined the steps necessary to reach a state of pure rest and laid out a basic design for a “Rest Temple” (不思議な水を分離) to facilitate the practice. The center is named in honor of Iijima’s oft-mentioned inspriational figure and muse.

Phil Westinghouse, owner and manager of PowerHouse Gym in La Brea, is one of the principal backers of the MWCR and is enthusiastically waiting for the groundbreaking ceremony next year. “The exercise culture in this country is at about the same state as its food culture, which means we’re only slightly better off than medieval peasants,” he said. “The MWCR is a step towards civiliazation, and a way to unify self, spirit, culture and history. Everybody should be able to give their soul this gift.”

Essentially, the “Rest Temple” is a series of rectangular pools, each about four times the size of phone booth, arrayed together in a dense, multilayer grid. Each pool is in housed in a self contained, pitch black space and is outfitted with a solid steel diving sphere suspended by a cable that allows it to be completely submerged. A self-contained breathing apparatus allows people to stay in the pods for up to four hours, and each is outfitted with speakers to broadcast a regimented series of edited whale song and political speeches.

Getting to enter the sphere, however, is no simple feat. First, a gym-goer must complete at least two hours of rigorous exercise under the tutelage of an offiicial, Iijima-certified “Life Tender” (遊女), which includes a mix of high energy fencing, jogging, pilates and martial-arts based yoga. The workout is only complete after the gym-goer is able to physically dominate the Life Tender twice in under ten minutes. Once the student is victorious, he or she may enter the Rest Temple after a complex series of purification rituals, including a complete body depilatory treatment and a blood donation. The student is then placed in the pod for exactly 1/4 the time of the workout, accompanied by a strictly controlled regimen of recordings unique to each session.

Anastasia Leng, a dedicated PowerHouse member, said she couldn’t wait to use the new technology to enhance her routine. “If I have to do downward facing dog with a bunch of frumpy moms again, I’ll just die,” she said. “I need the temple to take my life to new places and experience my workout at the highest level. I just don’t deserve anything less!” Although Leng conceded that she would have to sacrifice her Wednesday night pole dancing class, she had no qualms about putting extra time into a Rest Temple program. “I’ll do whatever to get in there,” she vowed.

Contstruction on the facility is expected to begin in early 2010.