MuckFlash

Memphis, TN -10 April 2009- Local and state health officials converged on a food processing plant just outside of Memphis after a sudden outbreak of serious gastric ruptures was linked to ‘Hungry Man’ TV dinners manufactured at the site. The infections, caused by a rare from of bacteria that produces gases forceful enough to damage internal tissues and organs, have affected nearly 200 people and caused a massive recall of nearly all frozen foods in the area. Bob Darian, a spokesman for the Tennessee Department of Health said that the operation was the largest in nearly two decades and characterized the outbreak as “critical.”

Victims first started noticing flu-like symptoms late Tuesday after consuming a variety of ‘Hungry Man’ TV dinners. After several hours, however, scores of sickened consumers began to flood emergency rooms with severe cramps, bloody discharge and crippling abdominal pain. While the contamination hasn’t yet claimed any lives, several victims have been treated for serious internal injuries, including ruptured colons, distended bowels and extreme dehydration.

“While rare, certain kinds of bacteria common to industrial settings have been known to infiltrate a food supply and spread rapidly,” said Darian. “In less serious cases an affected person might not even notice, but mutated strains have become virulent enough to react with the body’s own naturally occurring bacteria to produce gas that is powerful enough to cause physical damage,” he said. Darian urged anybody who thinks they may be infected to seek medical attention immediately.

Marian Folton, a local resident who was stricken a few hours after eating two trays of ‘Hungry Man’ fried chicken, said that the force of her condition was enough to tear fabric and flesh. “I wish I could explain it differently, but I have never experienced power like that from…well from down there,” she said. “I thought it was just a simple case of food poisoning, but things kept getting worse.”

Folton waited to go to the hospital until, after being struck by what she could only characterize as a “thunderclap,” she looked down to discover that the seat of her pants was in shreds. “About that time I also saw a little bit of blood, and that even my couch was tore up. That’s when I decided to go,” Folton recalled.

Miraculously, Folton was able to drive herself to the emergency room, even though her steering was impaired by the increasing frequency and intensity of the “earthquakes” that were tearing through her intestines. Folton was treated for an inverted bowel and some internal bleeding, but she is expected to make a full recovery.

An investigation into the root causes of the epidemic is ongoing, but Darian insists that there will be severe consequences for the parties responsible. “In this day and age, it is absolutely unconscionable to jeopardize the health of the public through lax standards,” he said. “When we conclude our investigation, we will absolutely prosecute the responsible people to the fullest extent of the law.”