MuckFlash

Houston, TX -23 April 2009- Staff. An unmanned aerial vehicle manufactured by Applied Dynamic Machinery Inc., a small private equity backed robotics company in Houston, crashed yesterday as it failed to complete its singular mission: to serve beer.

The project, code-named “BeerEagle,” was a stretch for the small startup company, which had previously produced only two other unsuccessful models: a vacuum cleaner similar to the Roomba and a “ButlerBot,” a stationary humanoid robot designed to do menial kitchen tasks. BeerEagle, by contrast, was an ambitious cross between a military grade Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) and a complicated proprietary pressurized keg system. If the craft had been successful, it would have been capable of serving over 150 12 ounce cups of beer per hour from an altitude of 200 feet, the company says.

Despite their high hopes, company officials couldn’t help but concede defeat as BeerEagle plunged to earth only minutes after becoming airbone. “We had great weather, but some of the systems acted erratically when we engaged the beer spout module,” said Dan Patrick, lead designer on BeerEagle. “We’re confident in the future of the technology, but we’re not just not there yet.”

While the company would not release video footage of the test, citing a need to preserve proprietary information, an observer of the test from Applied Dynamics, who spoke on condition of anonymity, indicated that the craft’s designers were shocked to see the extent of their failure. “It was beyond embarrassing,” said the observer. “The aircraft took off just fine, of course, since we didn’t build the thing, but we had jury rigged a pony keg and a spring loaded cup dispenser to activate when the plane reached certain spots. We didn’t count on a bunch of pressurized hoses full of beer bursting into the avionics, though. The thing shorted out on the first try and ended up as a flaming piece of wreckage. Not to mention the wasted beer and our keg deposit at Safeway. What a mess.”

The heart of the system was an advanced array of visual and Radio Frequency (RF) inputs that plotted locations for cup drops based on a pre-programmed flight pattern. BeerEagle would then drop cups with “GPS precision” while in flight into a specially designed receiving tray that could be free standing or clip on to the arm of a chair. Mr. Patrick says that the primary target clientele were large, open venues like football stadiums and NASCAR tracks, which could benefit from a way of serving beer more efficiently than having humans trudge from point to point.

“Without a doubt, this is the future,” Patrick insisted. “It’s only a matter of time before devices like BeerEagle will revolutionize everything we do. Even the way you get a beer at a football game.”